


the killer pulls the trigger

by littleghost



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 09:44:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5159147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleghost/pseuds/littleghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i> but damn if there isn’t anything sexier / than a slender boy with a handgun, / a fast car, a bottle of pills </i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>richard siken || little beast</p>
            </blockquote>





	the killer pulls the trigger

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in 33 minutes jesus christ  
> ((i should be focusing on my other fic but who cares not me that's who))  
> tumblr: astrophle (i don't post any of my stuff there but whatever)  
> (((i forgot that you need to check the chamber for a bullet whoops)))

 

ronan dreams a gun into existence. in his dream, he is pointing it at a boy with tear tracks the color of blood, and his finger is on the trigger. there is a voice in his ear saying _pullitpullitpullit_ and his arm trembles. the boy has sandy hair and his face is distorted. ronan screams himself awake, hand still clutched around the handle.

he shoves it under his pillow, body tense like gansey is about to burst into the room. when minutes pass and there’s no sign of him, ronan lets his body relax. his shoulders slump, and he pulls the gun out.

he checks the magazine for any bullets, but only finds one when he pulls the slide back to check the chamber and he throws it out the window. he hears it hit the pavement, a _tink_ that echoes. or maybe it echoes in his head, a noise that reminds him of his dream.

(a boy with sandy hair, and his blue eyes are clear but there are tear tracks that run down his face and his mouth is moving and ronan sees it whispering _do it do it do it_ and he _b r e a k s_.)

his body moves before his brain realizes, and it grabs the keys off a table and thunders down the stairs. in the bmw the key is in the ignition and he is ready to turn it over when he stops and remembers the gun on his bed, magazine pulled out and bullet somewhere in the parking lot with him.

it is worse than the night terrors, which screamed and clicked and evoked terror in him but they made _sound_. a gun is silent until its trigger is pulled. he stays still, heart filling the silence as it beats against his ribcage, a cry to be let free. (if he could,  if he pulled his heart out, would it release the pain in his chest or is it what keeps that pain from hurting?)

he turns the engine over, and speeds out of the parking lot. there are red lights and stop signs and he ignored each one. there is a pain that fills him and he wants it to be released.

the parking lot of st. agnes is empty, aside from the tricolored car. ronan kills the engine but he stays in the car, hand on the handle but his mind is still running, and it scares him. the boy with the sandy hair in the dream that told him to pull the trigger is the same boy in the attic apartment and he didn’t know what to do.

would seeing adam send him over the edge, a gun in his hand again or would it fix him, heal the fracture that covers his heart, leaking blood and hope and love?

ronan doesn’t know, but he pushes himself out of the car, and hurries up the stairs. the door is locked but he had a spare key made and when he opens it, adam is asleep on his bed, lying on his stomach, face turned away from ronan.

in the darkness he can’t see the rise of his chest and he presses his fingers to adam’s neck, and a pulse beats out, strong and steady and s u r e. ronan crumples, and he falls into the space beside adam, his hand still on adam’s neck, the other grabbing a wrist and a thumb hovers over a pulse point.

it is still beating and he calms himself. he falls asleep like that, a lullaby in the form of a steady pulse.

(in his dream there is a gun in his hand, and a boy is in front of him, sandy-haired and crystal clear blue eyes. the boy’s hand covers his own and throws away the gun, and ronan is _o k a y._ )

 

 


End file.
